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| just thought I'd throw up some old stuff I wrote.... here goes... feel free to critique me in any way : )
Untitled....
ah, to know what to say
to know what to feel, or maybe...
I should wish to just not feel at all
to not care at all.
I'm told it works wonders,
but could it be,that those living in a state of not caring
are only living in states of darkness?
I want more!
I want more from life
I want more from people.
If we're created for love
then why the hell is it so complicated?!?
I want someone who cares,
yes for me....
but more than that
I jsut want someone who cares...
but I look around
in this vacantly crowded room to find,
there's no one.
Am I the one?
Do i truly care?
I say I do.... I believe I do,
but how can i be sure?
I look in the mirror,
and don't like what I see.
I just want someone
to like what they see.....
NO...
to like who they find.
the person inside
THIS person inside
so few in this world truly know who I am
who my heart is, and longs to be....
even when I don't know myself.
I don't want someone who's content
i want someone who's striving, who's reaching.
for, those who reach - touch the stars
I don't need someone who knows me,
who knows this soul...
I just need someone to want to know it
Such a simple request
but if it is such,
then why has no one answered...
or even listened?
why has noone cared?
the thoughts, the feelings
those of which I cannot internalize, let alone speak of.
I have a heart filled with such love, such music
I just need a heart who's willing to accept it.
To accept it all,
to accept me...
how long must I ask...
who will that be? | | |
| here's another one....... going home.... so.... it's time to go back.. back home.. back where I came from... just... back. Taiwan now feels like home... or at least home enough. it's crazy to think I'm already going back to the US... I feel like I just got here. Though, I know that once I get back, I'll see how much things, people, life has changed. I've changed... home has changed.. the people, the places. Inward, and outwardly... idk. it's all a blur right now.... I just know I'm different, and it sucks having to help people see that. Cause some just don't get it.. they just don't.. Ah, what to do, what to do. A lot of things are good... and life is good... but it's hard.. I'm the one who's always had my life pretty planned out... and now God's come in and totally flipped it inside out.. for the better... but sometimes not knowng the future is hard. idk. no more time at the net cafe.... I'll write more when I get home. tomorrow.. wow.. so soon. peace bessings from taiwan | | |
| hey - here's stuff from before that i haven't put up in awile.... here goes.... from my journal.... while i was in taiwan.... Saturday, Oct. 27th, 07 - fisherman's warf - 3:30pm As I sit and listen to the sound of mourky water crashing in against the tall cement slab I sit on, I am in awe..... of a god that uses dirty, murky water to calm, my soul. No, the smell, and the voices of those around me don't help, but through it all, there's a stillness, a sense of peace. The peace I've been longing for, for years now. But today, it's not the water that brings peace (thought it helps), it's Christ. It's the love of Christ that fills me. He surrounds me, He indwells me, He's beside me, reaching to me, healous for me! Though it hasn't been, and won't always be an easy road - God is faithful, and HE sustains me! Saying all this, it's a day of contemplating, of praying, of crying out to God, saying " argh.. i can't finish... I'll come back and finish later tonight | | |
| so, life's good. i guess... well.... yes, it is. :) so, i wrote this awhile back (or not that long ago, as the case may be) as i was talking to someone, it was late - excuse the oddity (that's not a word....) of it. or, maybe, enjoy the truth of it. well, sigh, noone reads these anyway, except sometimes when they get transfered to facebook - so, i'm kinda writing to myself. oh well. here goes...... His words, no, wonderful as they are His smile, no, though it warms my core His eyes, no, though my soul they pierce His heart, yes, his heart, though it yet, I know not why, oh why, does he mean anything to me? This quickly not, do I want my heart to fall I mean nothing to him, of that I'm quite sure, though his kindness would never let him tell. so I will stay here, as all the times before - just a lost soul, desperately looking for another. idk... nuthin much, just the way i felt at the moment... and, i guess, i partly still feel that way, though the conversation turned, and made that 7th line seem a bit more shady... i guess we'll see... i kinda feel like part of the song "collide"....
even the best fall down sometimes, even the wrong words seem to rhyme... out of the doubt that fills your mind..... we somehow find, you and I..... collide.
and yet, how do I know if the collision's even true or not, is it real?... argh, I'm over-analyzing WAY too much, as usual. alrighty, i'm gunna go work on graduation stuff before my head spins off into an ibis.
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| the dying mind - is mine dying, or just everyone else in the world....? i thought I used to be one of the few people who was truly alive - and yet, these days, i don't even feel lke i know myself anymore. this solid rock has crumbled under herself. not knowing where to go, who to turn to. not having anyone to turn to. and the only one she had, and still has... is making his own mistakes, and isn't really helping... her angel's gone.... he's flown away his face still smiles, and his voice still soothes... but there's a difference.... maybe it's her... who knows? who cares? is anyone really out there..? the days pass by, seemingly endless, and yet the months fly by as though a vapor in the wind she only seeks love... or not even that, but a hand to hold. even if it's just someone... anyone... but no not just anyone... but yes... someone her mind rages, not knowing where to release itself she wishes for hope, and finds emptiness... so she does the only thing she knows how to do... she gives up........ again | | |
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